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My hubby is a rideshare driver and I HATE it

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kaypoli
28 Driver
 Posted 2 weeks, 5 days ago

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Hello!

I really wish to get some help here!!

The problem is, my husband is a rideshare driver in Boston Massachusetts, and honestly since he started working as a rideshare our marriage is going down hill and honestly I can see our marriage getting to an end. I’ll explain!
He drives way too long hours, of course because we need the money and I do work as well, but with 2 kids we need to work hard.
The thing is, I think that he cheats on me..and that makes me think that every single woman that gets in his car is an easy target and they will have a fun conversation, laughing etc

I got to say that I don’t like Boston to the point to live far away, I’m in another state and he comes every month to see us. We’re making plans to change this..the kids misses him way too much.

So, I really need help 

For you rideshare guys..is it like this?! Do the passenger are way to beautiful and nice? Because I think he is cheating on me and flirting with every single woman that he takes back and forth.

Help please..


Comments

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    bonesy1116
    7 Driver
     2 days ago

    If he is cheating at all, it's far more likely that he is cheating in some other location and using driving as an excuse to be gone from the house.

    Show Hide  1 Reply
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      ChadGellar
      28
       2 days ago

      This is so true. What a weird perk of driving for an Uber. Ultimate excuse to be away randomly. 

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    ChatswickFan
    259
     2 days ago

    I never thought of this, but driving is such a good excuse for a cheating spouse to leave the house and stay out for an extended period. Unlike a regular job where he needs to be at a specific location and having the hours tracked, driving gives so much freedom of hours and locations.  

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    AsStibelDude
    625 Driver
     2 days ago

    Well, in general, the demographics of people who take Ubers are younger generation. Not sure about beautiful but younger more affluent people take them, sure.  Then it also depends on where. If your husband chooses to drive in downtown Boston like Back Bay or Financial District, he’d definitely see young female professionals. This is even more true near campuses, like in Cambridge.

    Not sure if drivers are all that successful in meeting females while driving for Uber but that’s hard to comment specific to your husband. Yes, the encounters are there, but I’m thinking it’s easier to meet someone at a bar than driving for an Uber

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    daisygirl
    60 Driver
     2 weeks ago

    Sorry that you are feeling this way, a job should not be ruining your marriage! I am a female driver so my experience may be different than a males driver perspective but it is not very easy to have relations with your passengers in my opinion! Many trips are fairly short, you hardly get past the friendly how are you chatter before you are on to the next passenger. Many people travel in multiples making a situation of cheating even more unlikely. 

    Does your husband drive at night often? I would think this would be a time for more temptation (drunk passengers) but again most girls will travel in groups at night.

    Do you have any reasons to suspect your husband? Has he been unfaithful before? Have you found any evidence in his car?

    Could your husband pick up another job to earn extra income? Perhaps a delivery driver where he hardly interacts with others?

    Show Hide  1 Reply
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      kaypoli
      OP 28 Driver
       2 weeks ago  (edited 2 weeks ago)

      Thank you 

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    momof4
    8100 Rider Driver
     2 weeks ago  (edited 2 weeks ago)

    My question is how old is your husband? How long have you been married? Has he ever cheated before? I am asking these questions to understand better. I dont know how male drivers feel but as a female driver I want no parts of dating one of my riders. As a passenger that would be so creepy having your driver hitting on you. The young 20 something girls that I speak with on my rides have had drivers hit on them and they think its creepy no matter the age of the male.  I have never had a female rider that wanted to date their driver, gave their phone number to their driver, or wanted anything to do with their driver. 

    I know you dont want to hear this but if you have to worry about him cheating on you should you still be together? If you cant trust your husband to be around other women either A. He gave or gives you a reason to think he is cheating or B. You have some trust issues. You may want to sit down with him and tell him how you feel or see a therapist. This isnt health...

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    My question is how old is your husband? How long have you been married? Has he ever cheated before? I am asking these questions to understand better. I dont know how male drivers feel but as a female driver I want no parts of dating one of my riders. As a passenger that would be so creepy having your driver hitting on you. The young 20 something girls that I speak with on my rides have had drivers hit on them and they think its creepy no matter the age of the male.  I have never had a female rider that wanted to date their driver, gave their phone number to their driver, or wanted anything to do with their driver. 

    I know you dont want to hear this but if you have to worry about him cheating on you should you still be together? If you cant trust your husband to be around other women either A. He gave or gives you a reason to think he is cheating or B. You have some trust issues. You may want to sit down with him and tell him how you feel or see a therapist. This isnt healthy for your relationship. I am sure him living away from you and the kids has put a strain on your marriage and caused you to think he may be cheating. You need to talk to him at the very least. 

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    Show Hide  2 Replies
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      daisygirl
      60 Driver
       2 weeks ago

      She posted a reply below, just FYI as I know you give good advice Momof4!

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        momof4
        8100 Rider Driver
         2 weeks ago

        Thank you Daisygirl!😊

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    Fishman
    3 Driver
     2 weeks ago

    Highly unlikely. As the 2 lady drivers basically say below, it’s superficial conversations to keep passengers happy, the passenger wants to get somewhere in terms of location, not in terms of relationship, and anyway, I don’t want to creep out my female passengers. I can sometimes get passengers who talk quite personal stuff, but I don’t initiate and I don’t probe with questions, again because I don’t want to creep them out. We have guidelines on communicating with passengers. Flirty language is not allowed. I’d hope passengers who feel uncomfortable with a driver’s conversation reported them as those drivers give the rest of us a bad name. 

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    outlandish
    193 Rider Driver
     2 weeks ago

    I hate to say it but if you don't trust him not to cheat then maybe rideshare driving isn't the main problem here... Might be time for some counseling.

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    chocolove
    54 Rider Driver
     2 weeks ago

    I'm curious as to why you think he is cheating. In my opinion, if someone is a cheater they will always find a situation in which they can cheat. By making him quit rideshare driving will do nothing for your relationship. Most jobs involve working with others and working with others of the opposite sex, perhaps you need to look deeper into your relationship to overcome these feelings.

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    bettybop482
    39
     2 weeks ago

    Why do you live in another state? Is rideshare driving all your husband does for work? Can't he drive wherever you are currently living? I would think the distance would be a reason for the relationship strain not the act of rideshare driving. 


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    joeyj
    426 Driver Rider
     2 weeks ago

    I live and drive in Boston. Trust me not every ride is full of flirty attractive women. I wish it was..it's not like that. I wouldn't worry so much. Plus if you're not even living there why worry so much about how many hours he's driving. He's doing his best for ya. Good luck to you.

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    bobshmob
    51 Driver Driver
     2 weeks ago

    Not trying to be mean here but I think you are being a little too sensitive. Your husband is trying to provide for your family, driving is not fun especially when you have to get back in your car after already working all day. Have you tried to talking to him about this? I don't know your husband but I would think this might be all in your head.

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    Xtrodinary1
    1 Rider Driver
     1 week ago  (edited 1 week ago)

    To be honest, if you think your husband is cheating he probably is or is going to for a few reasons. One, your insecurity is making you less and less attractive to him. No man wants an insecure woman and no woman wants an insecure man. That quality is unacceptable by any standard of humanity, unless for a POMP. Two, the conversations that the two of y'all are going to have, will be focused on everything else besides the two of y'all. The proper focus in a relationship is each person focusing on how to make the other person happy Not how happy is the other person making you. When your so focus on what the other person is or isn't doing you, you lose sight of what your doing to them.

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    kaypoli
    OP 28 Driver
     2 weeks ago

    For some reason I’m not being able to send my comment, I took pictures of my comment and uploaded 

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    kaypoli
    OP 28 Driver
     2 weeks ago

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    kaypoli
    OP 28 Driver
     2 weeks ago

    Show Hide  4 Replies
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      daisygirl
      60 Driver
       2 weeks ago

      Oh man, I am sorry to read this. This changes everything IMO, I do not think you are being unreasonable. You have very legit reasons to be worried. I know this is so hard for you and scary and it seems easier to just turn a blind eye but that is never going to make you happy in the end. Sooner or later it will bubble out of you, perhaps you can talk to a therapist who can give you some pointers on bringing this up to him? Think about waht you want to achieve. If he is cheating, do you want to stay with him? Do you want him to move back home? Do you want a divorce? Think on what you want and then take steps to get there! Good luck!

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      sally
      97 Driver
       1 week ago

      Kaypoli, any updates? Hope things are sorting themselves out for you.

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      momof4
      8100 Rider Driver
       2 weeks ago

      I am sorry to hear you and your children have to go through this. It's best you sit and talk with him. It does seem like he has someone else.  What kind of life are you and your children living? You are stressed and unhappy. Your kids can pick up on this. He isnt living with you and leaving early when he is home.  He broke his wedding vows not you if in fact he is cheating. You and the kids dont deserve this. You deserve to have a husband you can trust and the kids deserve a dad who is home with them. I am sure this is very hard for you but the not knowing, the doubts, the situations that play out in your head is also not good for you and your kids. You cant be happy in this situation. Which is totally waranted.  At the very least go see a therapist. Maybe you can get him to go to try and save your marriage if this is what you want. You dont deserve to be cheated on and lied to. Your kids dont deserve this. 

      By ignoring the situation its not going to make thin...

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      I am sorry to hear you and your children have to go through this. It's best you sit and talk with him. It does seem like he has someone else.  What kind of life are you and your children living? You are stressed and unhappy. Your kids can pick up on this. He isnt living with you and leaving early when he is home.  He broke his wedding vows not you if in fact he is cheating. You and the kids dont deserve this. You deserve to have a husband you can trust and the kids deserve a dad who is home with them. I am sure this is very hard for you but the not knowing, the doubts, the situations that play out in your head is also not good for you and your kids. You cant be happy in this situation. Which is totally waranted.  At the very least go see a therapist. Maybe you can get him to go to try and save your marriage if this is what you want. You dont deserve to be cheated on and lied to. Your kids dont deserve this. 

      By ignoring the situation its not going to make things any better and will not go away. I know its hard to address it because if he admits it then what? Fear he will leave you, what will you and the kids do, the list goes on? By confronting him and getting it out in the open you can choose to leave him or work on your marriage. Either way you can get on with your life. 

      Not be in the dark, worrying, wondering, all those emotions you have wondering whats going on, what he is doing, who he is with, or what the futures holds. You can work things out if you feel he isnt worth or you can start a new life without him. Start building your new life, its hard but all those fears, the not knowing, the dread of finding out he is cheating all this will be gone. You and the kids can start to heal. You are doung this on your own anyway. He is in another state. I know this is easier said than done but you are stronger than you realize. I've been in your situation. Not exact circumstances but having to choose to be on my own with 4 kids or be in a misearble marriage. Sit down with him dont start throwing accusstions around see if he will come out and admit it. If not tell him whst you have told us here on the forum. Ask him to go to counseling  if thats what you want. How you are living now is no way to live your life. 

      I have a FB page called Deadbeat Dads over 11,000 followers. Although you are not in this situation as far as dad not paying support there are many women on there that have been in your situation. At the very least you can share your story and maybe get some advice from other women. You can post to the page (those post are public)or message me through the page on messenger (private only I see them). It may be a better place than a rideshare forum:) however I will admit that the men who have responded to your post here were respectful and nice:) Thats why I like this forum. We may not always agree but we do it in a nice respectful way. If it's ok with you I will keep you and the kids in my prayers:)

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      joeyj
      426 Driver Rider
       2 weeks ago

      Oh ok ya that doesn't look so good.. I think you need to have a talk with him. Sorry.